Enough already

This year is off to a great start so far.  Jeff and I have celebrated our 1 year anniversary and each of our Birthdays in a way that has both humbled me and made me grateful for all of the awesome people in my life.  Through all of this though I still find that I struggle with myself. I worry that I am not cool enough, smart enough, motivated enough. humble enough, outgoing enough,  insert a million more "enoughs" here. Who I want to be doesn't always seem to be who I am.

So I find myself very reflective on the world around me. I have more than I could ever truly need but I am looking for ways to be the kind of person that I "need" to be.
I have always been somewhat of a wanderer. Never really settling for one thing in the hopes that the next best thing is right around the corner. I want to go places and experience as much as I can.  My sister reminded me just the other day that when I was young I talked about having an old VW van and just traveling around the country in it. This was my plan before any of the stresses of adult hood kicked in. There is still something very appealing to that but I know that it would still not be enough.

I can honestly say that I am more confident in myself at this point in my life than I have ever been. I have some great role models around me and an amazingly supportive husband. I have accomplished some pretty big goals and traveled to some amazing places.  So why am I still so conflicted? What is it that I am really missing? Am I bored? Is my attempt to fill up my schedule just a way to avoid figuring out who I really am?
What truly makes me happy? Is happiness enough?
How can I be enough for everyone else if I am never truly enough for myself? How do I get better at just being me?

I think I'll go for a run now. Maybe what I really need is just a little blood flow to the brain.

Honesty

Energy

Strength

Love